Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
