I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
