I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
