dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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