i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
