remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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