According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
