just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
