We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
