How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
