I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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