Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just found a bag of teeth...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
