Sry I called you an 8
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
