State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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