can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
