I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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