from now on my penis is your penis
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
