definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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