dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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