I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
