i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
