Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's the barista slut.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
