I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
