the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
