I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
