there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
