Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
