I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
