could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
