I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
