i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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