If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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