i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
