I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its liver damage thursday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
