I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
