had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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