I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
