I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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