Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
