I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
