If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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