I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
