people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
