is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
