I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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