trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
