3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
