omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
