the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
