I'm jealous of your bromance
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
