Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
